I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
