hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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