i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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