do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
