U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
