OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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