Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
