Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
