Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
