i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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