y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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