Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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