I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
