What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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