I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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