I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
