I cannot find my penis.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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