Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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