Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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