Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
