The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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