The best revenge is premature balding
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
