how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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