Duck Duck Cougar?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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