Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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