you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
