how can u be prego again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
that may or may not have been my penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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