So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
