Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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