I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this just has baby written all over it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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