Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
