if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
