Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
