I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
