One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
