found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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