Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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