I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
