look no pants
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
