I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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