im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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