Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
