So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
