new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
