Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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