i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
