they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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