brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
