Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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