I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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