just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
