I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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