Ambien. No doubt about it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
