My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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