Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
