The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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