Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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