Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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