I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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