Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
