woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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