so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
