apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
