Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
