No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
North Korea, Best Korea!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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