I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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