when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
