somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
