Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
