my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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