I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
