Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
