i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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