i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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